Saddle To Sea

On the 1st of June 2024, I started my crazy, exciting, nerve-wracking cycle around the coast of Britain. This ride had been a long time coming. In fact, it was so important to me it became a bit of an unattainable dream… for almost 17 years.
 
I wanted to do something huge, something challenging, something that would be empowering for other people, but also for me. In January 2024 this drive became so strong that I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I quit my job and began the mammoth task of planning the ride of my life.
 
I’d originally wanted to do a swim challenge. Swimming is what I’m most confident at and where I feel most comfortable. But, I also really wanted people to join me. I wanted to have some raw, open conversations about mental and health and suicide. So, I thought cycling would be a good way of getting people to join me and to have these conversations. I chose to cycle the coast because I just couldn’t be away from the sea, and I wanted to get in as much as possible. As it turned out, the sea was my reset, my calm, my leg-fixer. I needed it. I craved it after every day in the saddle, and it beautifully balanced out the cycling.
 
But why was I doing all of this? Because of my lovely Dad.

In 2007, I lost my Dad to suicide. My world collapsed and nothing seemed to matter after I lost him. I couldn’t cope, I couldn’t understand why he left. After years of pain, I came to the realisation that I couldn’t help him. But maybe I could help someone else?

What I didn’t realise was how much this ride would actually help me. It was cathartic, healing and it really helped me process how my dad died. I used to feel a lot of pain and anger, but now I feel at peace with it.

I had some incredible conversations with people – total strangers completely pouring their hearts out to me. It was a safe space to talk openly and honestly, and there was something about being outside and moving that meant it flowed beautifully, with some lovely distractions in-between. I’ve tried therapy over the years but for me being outdoors and moving is the best therapy I’ve ever had. I had conversations I haven’t been able to have since my Dad died. It was incredible.
 
People have asked me if I ever wanted to quit? I wanted to quit many, many times. When my bike got run over on day 6 and I had to get a new one. When it rained for three weeks straight whilst camping in Scotland, and not drying off made me ill. When I was scared and lonely and felt vulnerable being on my own. I’m not sure if these challenges do make you stronger but it definitely makes me realise I can get through them, even if I didn’t feel that at the time.

The whole thing was sort of bittersweet. There were times where I cried because it was so beautiful, and I just wished my Dad could see what I could see. I wish anyone who’s in pain or struggling could see the beauty that’s around us, that the world is a much bigger and more beautiful place than we think it is, we just need to take time to see it.

I don’t have the answers. I do know that most people have struggled or are struggling in one way or another and that we just need to keep talking, keep moving, keep looking around at the beautiful world we live in, and the beautiful people that live in it. The kindness of people is incredible, sometimes we just need to reach out for it.

Getting in the sea and movement (cycling for me), both solo and with people, are some of the most powerful tools I have found for managing my own mental health. If you’re reading this and it’s rainy outside and you’re questioning whether to go for that dip in the cold sea, grab a mate and do it. In my experience, you won’t regret it.